Discovering The Gifts In My Challenges:

A Shift In Perspective

 

Usually, I don't share my personal spiritual thoughts and feelings as I consider myself very private and reserved in how I pray and the way in which I choose to practice my faith. However, recently I was asked how God has assisted me in navigating through some very dark and challenging times in my life. These experiences can often stop us in our tracks and hold us back from living our purpose and passions let alone even begin our day with some sense of inner strength. Especially when they are accompanied by physical challenges. Talk about challenges piled on top of challenges. So, I would like to share my personal response to this question. However, due to some words I am not at liberty to tackle as a life coach (for legal and ethical reasons), I will not be using the exact phrasing of the question nor will I use the exact words I used in my response. Trust me - I dont need to...

"How has God assisted you...?" [in moving through my challenges lets just say]...

Here was my response:

Where do I even BEGIN to respond to this. I am almost overwhelmed by the question as the answer could just go on for pages. I'll make sure not to do that =/. PTSD, phobias, 43 surgeries, massive complications resulting in life saving procedure w/o anesthesia and something as debilitating yet simple as today....phobia of dark skies, rain, storms as a result of PTSD. Here at my parents for the day like so many times before over the past 11 years. 38 years old. Frustrating does not even BGEIN to conquer that statement.

Further more, although VERY happily married (for what will soon be 9 years), the original plan was to have big family. Had no choice for multiple reasons but to embrace the grief around the realization that I will never be a mom. I am shaking my head as I write this as I myself am overwhelmed reading it. Where has God NOT been in my life?! He has been with me EVERY step of the way....even through the countless times I was angry with Him and wasnt speaking to Him.

He has been through it all and today and all my days ahead He is and always will be what gives me strength to take the next step and believe in yet aonther day and the possibilities that lay before me each and every day. He has taught me to take life one moment at a time. This doesnt even scratch the surface of how He has assisted me.

What I can say is that back in Oct 2009 when I found myself in my basement in a full blown panic attack like so many times before when caught off guard by a storm, or thought I could stay alone and found out the hard way I wasn't quite ready, I found myself running scared down in the basement...when I had lost ALL hope....when my life seemed to have NO purpose...It was THEN, at that moment, I finally realized I was only suffering b/c I was trying to control the situation instead of allowing God to take it from me and trust that each day He will provide for me - somehow, someway.

On the floor, on my knees crying from my gut repeating over and over and over again "God, I cant do this anymore". I am in the process of writing a book about that experience (unbeknownst to anyone until now). Those moments that followed changed my life forever and my experiences that led up to that moment for 38 years is of course, in the book as well.

I realize now that sometimes you have to have the breakdown to have the breakthrough (I didnt make that saying up but I dont know who did..??). I realize now that in order to recognize my spirit vs my ego (which is what tells you over and over again what you cant do and what you have 'failed' at so-to-speak...its the thing that takes your faith away) God had to allow me to get to a place of surrender where I was finally willing to give up control and say "Here! YOU take this"...THAT is when I began to recognize the voice of my spirit - the whisper. My life has never been the same and even on days like today I am walking around saying "God, I know you have my back and know you will provide for me every step of the way so I will do my best to relinquish control and allow myself to put full faith in you"....

This morning - that wasnt happening - I was too upset - things were too challenging. Now? Better but still working on it. I believe I will always be a work in progress but I figure as long as I am always growing, I am good place, right?.

I vowed when I went into coaching that I would make it a point to show I wasnt out to tell anybody I knew the 'easy' way to get through this. I dont. What I DO know is how to step back and shift perspective. God has given me that gift. Now, as a thank you to Him it is my job to share that gift with others and help them to recognize THEIR spirit. Thank you God for the challenges and the gifts that will continue to grow from each challenge. I now see each challenge as an opportunity for me to create yet another seminar, another workshop, another article, etc. with the hope that somewhere, somebody reading this who faith has been tested, shaken and weakened, will find restoration through the gift of my challenges.

Claudia De Mauro M.S.,Ed./Life Coach
Owner & Founder of Move Through Your Challenges
<a href="http://www.movethroughyourchallenges.com" target="_blank">www.movethroughyourchallenges.com</a>
<a href="http://www.movethroughyourchallenges.ning.com" target="_blank">www.movethroughyourchallenges.ning.com</a>
mtycnetwork@optonline.net
1 800 718 6040

Top 5 Ways To Shift Out Of Feeling “Stuck” In Your Challenges

 

1) It sounds so simple, but the first thing that is often MOST effective when shifting out of feeling "stuck" within your current circumstances is:

 

BREAK YOUR THOUGHT PATTERN

 

The thing you must realize is that in order to do this you must do things you may not FEEL like doing at that moment. Hence...."stuck"! =) Sometimes, oddly enough, feeling "stuck" can become somewhat comfortable for us. So, moving out of "stuck" may at first, feel uncomfortable. That's normal!

 

The way in which you do this is to do something completely unrelated to the circumstances you feel stuck within. For example, if you feel overwhelmed at that moment by medical/physical challenges, literally leave the spot you are in now where you are sitting and pondering over the overwhelm and go place the focus on a completely different task at hand such as cleaning, calling a friend, paying bills (I know, I know - I didn’t say it had to be exciting! LOL, etc).

 

2) Sometimes it’s necessary to just cope with the moment at hand and not always the big picture, as that can often be too much to take on at any one time. So...

 

DEAL ONLY WITH THE MOMENT YOU ARE IN

 

What does that mean? Well, be in what is referred to as "the now" as many of you may have heard of. How do we do this? This may sound odd at first and it may even feel odd but step outside of yourself and OBSERVE YOURSELF....I know, I know...."What?" =) Literally stop and have a conversation in your head that consists ONLY of observing your very own thoughts, feelings and actions in that very moment. So, if I were to step outside of myself and observe myself in a moment of being "stuck" it may sound something like this:

 

"Wow, look at that. She is really overwhelmed right now. Wow, her heart is beating really quickly from all that worry...She really feels stuck right....She doesn’t know where to begin. She seems really scared right now..."

 

Then begin to notice the things around you...Only this time, don't give them labels (shout out to all you Eckhart Tolle fans). Try this. It's actually much harder at first than you may think. Look around at all the objects and living things around you like the house plant, the flowers in the vase, etc. Or if you are outside observe the trees blowing in the wind. This time look at them without thinking “flower” or “that is a tree”…

 

Does this all sound ridiculous? It might. I still challenge you to try it and tell me it doesn’t at least take you out of your own head for just a moment. Right there you have broken your thought process and the vicious cycle of "stuck".

 

Now, this may not all seem very productive at first, but what it does is  place you in complete awareness of YOU and your current mindset.

 

3) Do you have a favorite movie that consistently makes you laugh every time you see it? Do you have a puppy that is bouncing around you as focus on all that you are overwhelmed by? Immediately physically shift from where you are, stop what you are doing and go interact with your puppy, watch 10 minutes of that movie (i.e. your favorite scene), or even better, immerse yourself in a hobby you are rather passionate about. For me, its being with my family and friends that brings me great joy as well as playing with my 2 year old pug and beautiful black lab that make me smile and laugh without fail.

 

Bottom line. LAUGH. SMILE. Even if it is just for a moment.

 

Before you go trying to lift the weight of the world that is sitting on your shoulders from the challenges you face every day, stop...and choose for just a few moments to be in the moment...and step outside yourself. Don't think you have that power because your circumstances are out of your control? Think again. That brings me to number four...

 

4) BECOME OTHER-FOCUSED ... For those of you who have read my blog or followed me and my events for some time now, this will sound familiar to you. It works. See, one of the reasons people feel so overwhelmed at any given moment is because they have so much worry, apprehension and challenges they are experiencing at one time it becomes like a ride you can't get off of. One that you may possibly never have wanted to be on in the first place!

 

However, no matter where you are in life - no matter how challenged you are at any given moment....there is ALWAY someone, somewhere worse off than you are at that moment. Now, I suppose there will be some of you that might not particularly like hearing this. I understand and accept that. However, here is my challenge to you. Examine your circumstances at this moment. Well, I gather that if you are reading this you have a computer. If you have a computer then I am gathering you at least have some money to have food on your table. Doesnt matter where that money comes from - you have it to put food on the table, right? It may even be safe to say you have a roof over your head, correct? You may have even had hot water to take a shower or bath this morning, yes?

 

I'm wondering what the person who doesn’t have a roof over their head, doesn’t have enough money to put food on the table, and doesn’t have any money to have a computer to reach out for the support needed thinks of your many blessings? "But Claudia, I have so many challenges each day - you have no idea...." No. You would be wrong there. I do know. I would never pretend to know your specific circumstances, but I do know what its like to wake up one day and feel as if you are drowning - literally emotionally drowning in your challenges. If you read my story you will see, sometimes you have to have the 'breakdown', before you can have the breakthrough. In drowning in my challenges I came up for air with a faith and trust that all would be ok if I took my challenges and turned them into something that was other-focused. That revelation changed my life...and it forever changed the way I look at my challenges. Which brings me to my last and final tip...

 

5) GRATITUDE..... "I've heard this before, I know Claudia, I know, count my blessings" some have said to me in the past. My challenge to you? Answer me this...have you literally had a pen or pencil in your hand and written down 100 things you are grateful for? If you have, then congratulations. You have grasped the one tool that can shift anybody out of the deepest, darkest of moments....if they choose to use this tool.

 

The next time you find yourself overwhelmed by all you are challenged by at any given moment.....stop....and make a list of just 5 things you are grateful for. Yes, 5. Not 100. 5. Why? Because what you will find is that 5 will lead to 6 and next thing you know you have 10 and so forth. If you look hard enough the blessings are there. That's when you sit down and set the goal to write 100 things by the end of the day or weekend that you are grateful for. What you will find is that it is not possible to stay stuck in the feelings around being stuck if you stop and take time to count your blessings - literally.

 

Coming Soon: "Top 5 Ways To Find & Use The Gifts In Your Challenges..."

 

Find the lessons in your yesterdays, the gifts in today, and the possibilities in tomorrow...God Bless.

 

Claudia De Mauro M.S.,Ed./Life Coach/Administrator of MTYC Network

Owner & Founder of Move Through Your Challenges

www.movethroughyourchallenges.com

mtycnetwork@optonline.net

1 800 718 6040

I love what I do for a living. Not only do I love being a life coach for individuals with medical and physical challenges but I love creating my own business. I love the challenges involved. My private practice has become like a piece of clay that I get to sculpt any which way I want. I get to create the type of events I wish to hold. I get to write the articles and pretty much choose the topics I wish to write about. Yes it does get lonely at times. It most certainly does. However, that's not because what I do for a living is a lonely business. Its because right now I haven't learned to shift out of my own inner loneliness. Once I move through that, nothing in my life will feel lonely anymore. Its a work in progress =). One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time.

I was planning on starting up my blog later in the week; however, this blog post almost chose to write itself. My all too familiar circumstances that unfolded this morning sculpted this blog post all on its own. See, I know all about mindfulness. Cognitively...if that statement alone even makes sense =/. However, at my deepest level it is the thing I strive in my life to master before I die. My life has always been about living in the moment - yes....but my moments have been mostly moments of fear. Living with Spina Bifida & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have provided me with a gift I never expected to gain from all this...being grateful for the simple things. Like not being alone any longer after spending time in the basement running from a changing sky of darkness where you fear an F5 Tornado is going to come out a calm sky of white clouds where only drizzle is expected. THAT is PTSD in all its glory. Not so glorious to say the least. 

So, here is my question to you. I spent the morning in the basement frozen in fright until the contractor arrived to continue painting my office. He may never know that gift of relief he provided for me just by showing up at my darkest moment. Again, there's the gratitude. So, is it possible to shift gears from the focus of fear and everything being about you and your safety and your challenges to placing the focus back on others to continue on with your day as if nothing ever happened?  Here are my personal thoughts on that one.

There was a time when my challenges use to take EVERYTHING out of me. I mean everything. As a matter of fact, I use to think that if people had any idea how much time I spent "down for the count" or "shut down" as I use to call it - for the entire day - days on end - they would be disgusted with me. That was ok actually believe it or not b/c nobody could have been more disgusted with me than ME. It just wasn't possible. I thought the worst things of myself that nothing anybody else thought of me would make any difference because I had already covered all grounds FOR them. So, how then does one not only shift OUT of this and onto OTHERS but begin to find GIFTS in all that? I am here to tell you that in fact, it is possible. It truly is. However, the difference between wanting to make the shift and actually making the shift? A DECISION. A decision to get up, brush yourself off and withstand whatever criticism you are given, and become like the Clydesdale I mentioned earlier in the week on Facebook & Twitter. Just in case you missed that one:

"Visualize a Clydesdale with side blinders on. Regal, strong and focused, he sees only where he is going. He believes without a shadow of a doubt that he is going to get to where he has set out to go. He moves forward with grace and confidence. He is not guided by where he has been nor is he concerned by what others thi...nk of where he is going...BE the Clydesdale and ANYTHING is possible."

When I made the decision to get back on my feet and finally follow my spirit and serve the disabled community by providing coaching services, I MADE THE DECISION TO BE THE CLYDESDALE. THAT made ALL the difference in the world between seeing this through and doing what I had always done which was dropping all focus on others and placing it back on me again...and giving up...and walking away from whatever I was pursuing. A decision makes ALL the difference in the world. However, sometimes we have to get to a certain place in our lives before we actually recognize what a decision LOOKS and FEELS like before we can get there. Sometimes that a place nobody else but ourselves can take us to.

So, how then do we go about coping with our own challenges by being other focused. See, the difference between when I was on my knees a few months back in a very deep, dark place of despair and hopelessness where I simply wanted God to make the decision FOR me that this journey was over, and standing on my feet with my "blinders" on is simply this. My ego (the horrible self talk from within that tells you all the reasons you arent good enough to live on or with purpose, had run its course. I got tired of my ego. It had done enough damage. So for me, the place at which my shift happened was when I realized that I had two choices. I could spend the rest of my life in this corner, in despair, in pain, or...I could find purpose in all this - gifts, if you will.

Now, for everybody the journey looks and feels different. For me - I used prayer. White-knuckled prayer. "Please help - I can;t do this anymore"...."I can't do this anymore"...Interesting how in my pain those last few words became the ONLY words I could get out. For the first time in my life there was silence in my head (if you know me you know how rare THAT is! lol). Absolute silence. For the first time in my life I recognized a clean slate. I recognized power in that moment of choice. Do what you have always done (First part of the definition of "Insanity" by the way - lol) OR DECIDE that from this point on I will never, ever again listen to my ego (thats another article at another time in how to recognize the ego in more detail but you get the idea I hope). So, if I was never, ever going to listen to my ego again then what am I left with?

My spirit. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh - Much better =)

So, the first thing I did for the next 24 hours was listen to my spirit. I had knowing if you will, to just "be". So, I did. I felt lifeless from all the crying that day but now I would surrender and have complete and total faith......Everything will be ok. I didnt know how but this time? I didnt have to know how. I just had to have faith. The details of what came next are nothing short of unbelievable but those details are ones that I am saving for a little "project" I am working on =).

From there it was clear. If I rode out the moments, in the moment itself of fear and fright, knowing that it would require me to be white knuckled for a temporary time period and then made the decision to let THAT moment go and be in the NEXT moment - THEN and ONLY then - I could do this. I could get up, brush myself off and cope with my challenges by shifting to the needs of others when I wasnt paralyzed by fear. 

So, in essence, its my own form of mindfulness even though I'm not sitting there observing my fear - I'm in it. So no - it doesnt fit the current definition of mindfulness nor does it serve well. But its all I've got for now and for me, if it means that the perspective of 'ride out the moments of fear' and live in the moment of "other-focused" by using the gifts taken from the fear....well,......then.....I will trust that for now its where I am meant to be and for the gifts in ALL my moments, I will shift now to gratitude.

Thank you God. Thank you so much for it ALL.